(I know that the “teach a man to fish” quote is not from the Bible. Save your hate mail.)
And before you point it out, yes, Jesus DID feed the poor. Loaves and fishes and all that shit. I have no problem with giving anyone a hand when they fall on hard times. I have been there, and am very grateful for the help I received. I have no problem helping someone who has made poor choices in the past to make better choices for the future. God only knows how many poor choices I have made. (Literally. I lost count long ago.) I have no problem with helping anyone pay their bills and buy groceries and take care of their kids while they work to better their situation.
Yep, there’s that sticky little phrase that separates me from the left - “while they work to better their situation”. Not to maintain a poverty-level existence as the status quo, not to get deeper and deeper into the system by being financially rewarded for reproducing, but working to improve their education or skill set so that they can stand on their own, with no help from anyone.
Here’s how I would revamp the welfare system:
Child care- free. 100% free. As long as you provide proof that you are enrolled in a college, trade school, high school equivalency program – or high school for that matter – and provide proof that you hold at least a part-time job. The job thing and the school thing, incidentally, are required for everything else that is coming up as well.
Groceries – free. By groceries, I mean cheese, milk, eggs, bread, vegetables, meat, pasta, etc. Nothing pre-cooked. Yes, after going to class and working for a paycheck, you will be tired and may not feel like cooking for your kid. Tough shit. You are a PARENT. It is YOUR responsibility to feed, clothe, and otherwise care for the child. I will help you to do this, but help does not mean paying for Domino’s pizza for your kid so you can park him in front of the TV while you take bathroom selfies or play Angry Birds on your Obamaphone. If he’s watching TV, that’s a good time for you to do homework. Remember homework? It’s what you were too preoccupied with fucking off (or maybe just fucking) to do in high school, which is 98% of the reason you are in your current situation.
Rent – free.
Medical care – free
Birth control – free. And mandatory. All women receiving welfare will make and keep scheduled appointments with their physician to be given contraceptive injections. Feel free to have all the kids you want, as soon as you can support them on your own. Nadya Suleman just fucked it up for everyone, didn’t she?
School tuition – free
Public transportation – free
Having trouble understanding the school curriculum? No problem – free tutoring.
I’m sure I didn’t think of everything, but rest assured – if you NEED it, it would be provided under my system.
How will I pay for this exponential increase in the cost of social programs, you may ask? I am SO glad you did.
First, here’s what you have to do to receive benefits and remain eligible:
If you are convicted of a crime more serious than a traffic ticket while on welfare... You’re out. As in kicked out of housing, no more benefits of any kind, you are OUT. “How will I feed my kid?” Should have thought about that before deciding to use drugs, drive drunk, mug old ladies on the street, knock over a liquor store, or whatever it was that you were doing besides striving to be a productive member of society.
If you do not have a job - meaning that you are listed on the payroll of a legitimate business and show up to said business at scheduled times to perform labor or other services in exchange for a previously agreed upon rate of pay, and can provide payroll check stubs to corroborate this - OUT. If you lose your job, you have 30 days to find another one.
If you leave school, voluntarily or otherwise, OUT. Remember the free tutoring thing? No excuse for flunking out.
Before you receive your first benefit payment, and at random intervals thereafter until such time as you no longer receive benefits, a caseworker will visit you with no advance warning, accompanied by a phlebotomist, and you will immediately provide a blood specimen for drug testing. It might be at home, it might be at school, it might be at work. You test positive, you are done. No second chance.
The system will not at any time condone or reward non-performance. Period. Cut the slackers out of the system and costs go down dramatically. Pretty clever, eh?
I know this sounds harsh. It has taken several generations for welfare to get this fucked up. Why didn’t we make some changes sooner? They would have been a lot easier to deal with one at a time. Simple. Not one single politician has the balls to even suggest any kind of reform, much less see it through. (There, the gauntlet has been thrown down, you bunch of pork-barreling cunts. Prove me wrong.)
Second, here’s what happens after you stop receiving benefits:
When you graduate from school and your income increases, your benefits will be reduced accordingly. ACCORDINGLY, not UNFAIRLY. You will be weaned from the system, not kicked out of the nest.
All those who worked hard in high school, got good grades, got a few scholarships, worked a part-time job, and took out student loans to pay for a degree – those people have to pay student loans back when they leave school. Why do I bring that up? They didn’t get their education for nothing, and you won’t either. Just think of all the benefits you received while completing your education as a student loan. After your income has increased so that you no longer receive benefits, it is time to get on a payment plan. Every time you get a raise, your repayment schedule increases by 50% of your pay increase. If you get a $100/month raise, your payment increases by $50, and so on and so forth.
Also, any tax refunds will go toward the repayment. Now for the good news… you only pay back 70%. Think of the other 30% as scholarship money.
This is a LOT fairer system than paying back an actual student loan. Those people are vicious.
And you know what the best part of it all is? Your kids will see how hard you worked to give them a better life, and it will make an impression that they will carry with them forever. That is the best part because as soon as your first kid is born, life stops being about you. Too many people forget that.
By the way, none of this applies to disabled veterans. They get an entirely different set of rules, and their rules are as follows:
Thank you for your service to your country. Your country will now do everything in its power, including medical treatment, therapy, education, and training, to enable you to provide for your family in civilian life, free of charge. This is all in addition to your disability pension, which will never at any time be decreased, even if you start a business and make more money than Bill Fucking Gates, because you lost part of your body or your health or your mind as a result of your service, and your country owes you for that. Your sacrifice will always be appreciated by a grateful nation.
End of rules for disabled vets.
Don’t think that’s fair? Enlist in the military and go get your ass shot off. Your choice.
The world doesn’t owe you shit. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your kids.
By the way, if you are male, and you have an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend or baby mama or whatever who is trying to raise your kids on welfare while you contribute little or nothing because it would put a dent your lifestyle… die. If you quit your job so your ex couldn’t collect child support from you, go to the nearest lake and try to snort sand off the bottom. If, as soon as she told you she was pregnant, you moved to Guadalajara and changed your name to Jose, go out in the street and tell the first cartel member you can find that his mother is a whore and that your name is Agent Jones, US Customs Service. I really don’t care what method you choose… just fucking DIE. You are not a man, and don’t deserve the balls God blessed you with. Nobody will miss you, and it will clear up some air for a real man to breathe.
If you pay child support and she doesn’t let you see the kids… may she die of chronic gonorrhea. That doesn’t absolve you of your obligation to support your offspring, though.
Please don’t bother pointing out to me that there are a lot of generalizations here. I realize that. Maybe even a few stereotypes. And none of them are racist or elitist in nature. With very few exceptions, everything I have said here is based on shit that I have actually witnessed from some of my own relatives. Yep, every family has ‘em.
That said, I don’t need to hear about how I don’t understand YOUR situation or if I only knew how your eighth cousin Bobbie Jean got screwed by fate when her husband Billy Bob got killed at a tractor pull and she was only 2 credits away from her degree in advanced Mongolian throat singing I wouldn’t be saying this and blah blahblah blahfuckinblah. If you really must get it off your chest, email it to preparetobeignored@igive2shitsaboutyouropinion.com
No comments:
Post a Comment