The Michael Sam/Jason Collins thing. Why in the HELL do some people think that being gay/lesbian/whatever means that you are required to turn into the “look at me, I’m gay, pay attention to me” poster child? Let me clue you in on something… nobody with a life of their own cares. Not even a little. It is your business. Don’t make it mine. Just like me, your business is between you and God. You are a sinner; so am I. I don't hate you because your sins are different from my sins. I will not judge you, nor will I condemn you. You are either a basically good person or you aren’t, and frankly, that is all I really care about.
Unless you’re a douchebag. Nobody likes douchebags.
Let me tell you about Michael Sam, college athlete. His college stats weren’t even good enough for a pro team’s practice squad. But Michael Sam, gay athlete? Drafted! Attention LGBT community: he cares nothing about you. He wanted to get drafted, and he knew he didn’t have the numbers. Ditto the St. Louis Rams. They wanted the good publicity.
Enter gay pride. You have been used.
Here is a prime example of everything that pisses me off about this topic. It is a comment I read on a Michael Sam spoof article on the Daily Currant. For those of you who are not familiar with the Daily Currant, it is a satire website. The article was about a Texas Longhorn softball player who “came out” as heterosexual, and it was HILARIOUS.
The comment in question, copied verbatim:
“Most people assume that other people are heterosexual until proven otherwise, so for us lesbians who look femme enough to pass as straight, it's important to come out and assert our sexuality to avoid awkwardness when people ask "so, do you have a boyfriend?" or other random remarks that only a straight girl could answer. This article points out heterosexual privilege; heterosexuals do not have to think about their sexuality in the way that homosexuals do. I constantly have to worry about which person is safe to disclose my sexuality to.”
Where to begin? So much idiocy, so little time.
If you’re even mildly attractive, guys you just met will ask if you have a boyfriend. If you’re not, they won’t. If the guy you just met is past his 8th drink, replace “mildly attractive” with “breathing”. Past the 15thth drink? “Dead, but still reasonably warm and somewhat flexible”. Drunk guys are adaptable.
Let me spell it out for you in smoke signals, Dances-With-Other-Girls. I will use small words and simple sentence structure, because I want you to keep up. Never mind, I don’t roll like that. Use Bing to help explain the hard stuff. Or ask your mom (assuming it was safe to disclose your sexuality to your mom, that is. Wouldn’t want any awkwardness).
Ready? Here we go.
If someone knows you, they know that you are a lesbian. Therefore, they know you don’t have a boyfriend, and they don't ask. If they don’t know you, then they don’t know if you are straight, lesbian, transgender, polygamous, polyamorous, polyunsaturated, or get off by dressing up as Adolf Hitler and bashing yourself in the head with a cricket bat (hey, you never know). So let me ask you a very simple question…
HOW IN THE HELL DOES “COMING OUT” AND “ASSERTING YOUR SEXUALITY” – WHICH HAPPENS WITH YOUR FRIENDS, COLLEAGUES, AND FAMILY - MAKE YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION PLAIN ENOUGH TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW YOU THAT THEY DO NOT ASK IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? Short of tattooing “LESBIAN” on your forehead, I can’t think of a single thing that you can do to keep men from hitting on you, or keep women who are trying to make small talk from asking if you have a boyfriend. Come to think of it, I know a few guys who would overlook the tattoo and try anyway. I’m pretty sure that at least a fair percentage of the women would get the message. Generally speaking, women are highly intuitive about things that are spelled out in prominent tattoos, provided that you choose an ink that is in your color wheel. If it doesn’t complement your eye color and skin tone, they won’t even read it.
And the next mind-numbingly retarded thing from this total waste of protoplasm that I must address:
If it was so “important to come out and assert our sexuality”, then why do you “constantly have to worry about which person is safe to disclose my sexuality to”?
“Out”.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. (You read that in Inigo Montoya’s voice, didn’t you? I hope so, because I typed it in Inigo Montoya’s voice.)
Since you can’t make up your mind whether you are proud to be a lesbian or afraid that people will find out you are a lesbian, it sounds like you are permanently assigned to the closet, Einstein.
Hand me the green golf shirt on your left. Tee time waits for no man.
Wouldn’t it be a lot easier if you were just a woman who was attracted to other women, and considered it to be a personal thing between you and the women you are attracted to?
Just for the record, I am NOT bashing this woman because she is a lesbian. I am bashing this woman because, given the stupidity of this comment, I am amazed that she remembers to breathe on a regular basis. I don’t hate people for such petty reasons as who they like to sleep with… in fact, I can think of a lot of people who could count on me for anything up to and including disposal of a body – hereinafter referred to as “friends” - and a large number of them are NOT straight white males. This list includes representatives of every group that the PC left assumes I automatically hate because I am a straight, white, Christian male. Every single group. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, atheist, black, hispanic, Hindu, and many more, plus varying combinations of the aforementioned descriptors. Hell, I even have friends who are LIBERALS! I don’t count these people as friends because of the lifestyle choices they made, or their religion, or their ethnic background, or their politics… they are my friends because I love them for the people they are. I’m not talking Facebook friends, either. I’m talking about grew-up-in-a-town-of-3000-people friends. Had-my-back-when-I-needed-them friends. Made-sure-I-was-there-when-they-needed-me friends. Some of them I have known my entire life. Some I met after I left home and went out into the world. We may not talk every day, or every week – in fact, some of them I haven’t talked to in years. That’s OK, they know I am there for them if needed and I know the same of them. That’s friendship.
Not one of my gay friends has ever sat me down and told me that they were gay. They could have; it wouldn't have bothered me a bit. But they didn’t need to, for their benefit or mine. Learn from that. Friends don’t mind, and the rest don’t matter.
If your insatiable appetite for attention dictates that you must keep insisting to the entire world that you are different, please stop bitching about the entire world treating you like you are different. It just fucks things up for those who are proud to be different and don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks; no attention required.
LEARN FROM THESE PEOPLE. THEY HAVE IT FIGURED OUT.
I just realized something. I can’t think of a single stupid person among my friends. I guess I’m a bigot after all.
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